The Nudge Unit has been considering, per its brief, the small individual incentives that shape collective behaviour: a 1p increase to the 5p carrier bag charge; on-the-spot fines (“or sit-ups! We could make them do sit-ups!”) for looking poor; the salutary effect on spectators of a well-scripted public hanging. Adam is skeptical about this latter: “what are they going to get from it that they don’t already get from Game of Thrones?”. Jane, running with the idea, suggests commissioning a series set in a dystopian Britain of the near-future. “We sell it as dystopia,” she perseverates, “but actually make it all look rather fun: plenty of sex, the corrupt officials are rooted out and entertainingly tortured, the new PM is a lascivious and witty dwarf with a surprisingly wise head for politics”. “It’s a nice idea Jane,” says Karl, “but we don’t have even a gazillionth of the budget for that sort of thing”. “Well we could incentivise it to be made couldn’t we? Voucher scheme for on-set catering?”. Adam, who for weeks has been trying to nudge Jane into having sex with him, nods appreciatively. “Great,” he says, “voucher scheme for Brit dystopia catering, noted.”

The Nudge Unit are having trouble staying motivated lately. Their masters have already got practically everything they ever wanted; recent briefings have had the wearied air of people with much bigger fish to fry trying to think of something useful for them to do. “What are the incentives that drive us?” ponders Karl. “Well, money,” says Jane, who is paid two-thirds of what Karl is, “and the satisfaction of making people be good without their even noticing that you’re doing it.” Karl shakes his head. “I want more,” he says. “If Tony would sign off on the field trip to Torture Garden we could really get some insight. People are so much more malleable than we think, Jane. With the right stimuli, applied over time in a controlled setting, there’s literally no limit to what you can make them do. Make them be.”

Jane is creeped out by Karl but would probably have sex with him given the right stimuli applied over time in a controlled setting. She will never under any circumstances whatsoever have sex with Adam. At a certain level this is understood by all of them, and yet Adam persists and Karl remains exasperatingly indifferent to the opportunity dangling before him. Their line manager Tony has observed this dynamic - noted it, indeed, in reports to his superiors - and continues to exploit it for his own pointless amusement. Everyone is quietly miserable, which is just as it should be: studies have shown that quiet misery is the equilibrium state of all collective human endeavour, at least in Britain where everyone has been firmly given to understand that they deserve no better.